15 avril 2010

Is fear holding us back from having the “ real ” conversatiopar Ghislaine Labelle

While many of us fear “real”  conversations, what we should truly be fearful of is the inauthentic  conversations that we are having!

Inauthentic conversations are  expensive for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but  everyone has to have “real” conversations in order for all to grow and evolve!

When a conversation is “real”, a  transformation occurs before the conversation is actually over.

Goals and objectives will be achieved more quickly, once “real” conversations  are made possible within your lives as well as enterprises!

What are real conversations?

Real conversations are attained with  the following important tools:

  1. Honesty       and integrity.
  2. They       do not discredit anyone, only situations.
  3. Their       true intention consists of contribution to a cause and to others.
  4. They       are constructive not destructive.
  5. They       are filled with personal responsibility for the words used and how they will land on the other side.
  6. They       are ALWAYS respectful.
  7. They       are not about control and domination, they are about true leadership and growth.

Inauthentic conversations have been at  the source of many losses in both our lives and business worlds:

  1. Loss       of a spouse or true friend.
  2. Loss       of good employees.
  3. Loss       of our integrity for which the price is very high.
  4. Loss       of our honor and truth.
  5. Loss       of both our physical and mental health and well-being.
  6. Loss       of a job or position as a true leader.
  7. Loss       of our true identity and our true essence.
  8. Loss       of some or most of our fundamental values.

I am sure that if we measure the costs  of the above losses versus the benefits that we think we are gaining, we will  truly see for ourselves that the stakes are very high and that everyone loses  at that game.

Real conversations require that we act  with courage, care and confidence.

As stated in Susan Scott’s book,  entitled “Fierce Conversations”: “The corporate nod shows up in living rooms as well as  boardrooms. Companies and marriages derail temporarily or permanently because  people don’t say what they are really thinking. No one really asks. No one  really answers!”

If you truly  stop and think about it, if there are no “real” conversations, there are no “real”  relationships.

True relationships are built and are  maintained with true conversations.

Ask yourself the following question:

How often do I find myself  just being polite and saying things that I do not truly mean?

Most people want to hear the truth  even if it is unpalatable.

In one of my past positions, I gained  the utmost respect of a high level executive, intimidating to many, because I  once with courage walked into his office in the middle of a meeting and  announced that if it was going to rain in my yard it was definitely going to  rain in his also!

He had just given an order to our  production department to bump the production of one of my customer’s order and  therefore not deliver this order on time, a promise he had made himself to this  particular customer at that time. The deal that was made was, if we delivered  this special order on time, we would be guaranteed the rest of the business and  he was about to break it.

It took courage, caring, confidence  and standing up for one of my fundamental values called “integrity” to face him  and not accept this breach of integrity!

Had I not voiced my disapproval of  this decision due to it being made by our leader, I would have harbored  frustration and anger for a very long period of time, which eventually would  have led me to quit my job with this company.

Most of the time, we quit people, not our jobs!

The same applies with our marriages  and all relationships, therefore, GET REAL, because it matters!

Ghislaine Labelle Professional Coach & Facilitator