Is fear holding us back from having the “ real ” conversatiopar Ghislaine Labelle
While many of us fear “real” conversations, what we should truly be fearful of is the inauthentic conversations that we are having!
Inauthentic conversations are expensive for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to have “real” conversations in order for all to grow and evolve!
When a conversation is “real”, a transformation occurs before the conversation is actually over.
Goals and objectives will be achieved more quickly, once “real” conversations are made possible within your lives as well as enterprises!
What are real conversations?
Real conversations are attained with the following important tools:
- Honesty and integrity.
- They do not discredit anyone, only situations.
- Their true intention consists of contribution to a cause and to others.
- They are constructive not destructive.
- They are filled with personal responsibility for the words used and how they will land on the other side.
- They are ALWAYS respectful.
- They are not about control and domination, they are about true leadership and growth.
Inauthentic conversations have been at the source of many losses in both our lives and business worlds:
- Loss of a spouse or true friend.
- Loss of good employees.
- Loss of our integrity for which the price is very high.
- Loss of our honor and truth.
- Loss of both our physical and mental health and well-being.
- Loss of a job or position as a true leader.
- Loss of our true identity and our true essence.
- Loss of some or most of our fundamental values.
I am sure that if we measure the costs of the above losses versus the benefits that we think we are gaining, we will truly see for ourselves that the stakes are very high and that everyone loses at that game.
Real conversations require that we act with courage, care and confidence.
As stated in Susan Scott’s book, entitled “Fierce Conversations”: “The corporate nod shows up in living rooms as well as boardrooms. Companies and marriages derail temporarily or permanently because people don’t say what they are really thinking. No one really asks. No one really answers!”
If you truly stop and think about it, if there are no “real” conversations, there are no “real” relationships.
True relationships are built and are maintained with true conversations.
Ask yourself the following question:
How often do I find myself just being polite and saying things that I do not truly mean?
Most people want to hear the truth even if it is unpalatable.
In one of my past positions, I gained the utmost respect of a high level executive, intimidating to many, because I once with courage walked into his office in the middle of a meeting and announced that if it was going to rain in my yard it was definitely going to rain in his also!
He had just given an order to our production department to bump the production of one of my customer’s order and therefore not deliver this order on time, a promise he had made himself to this particular customer at that time. The deal that was made was, if we delivered this special order on time, we would be guaranteed the rest of the business and he was about to break it.
It took courage, caring, confidence and standing up for one of my fundamental values called “integrity” to face him and not accept this breach of integrity!
Had I not voiced my disapproval of this decision due to it being made by our leader, I would have harbored frustration and anger for a very long period of time, which eventually would have led me to quit my job with this company.
Most of the time, we quit people, not our jobs!
The same applies with our marriages and all relationships, therefore, GET REAL, because it matters!